woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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