??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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