Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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