She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
