you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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