i think my tv is drunk
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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