I could make wine with my vomit
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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