plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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