I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
