yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
