I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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