CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
