My sheets look like a crime scene.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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