I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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