so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
