some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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