How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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