Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
