walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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