I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
