A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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