I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sobbing to NWA
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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