Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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