She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
