the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
