just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
His hands were made for my vagina.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I will pee on everything he values.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
