I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
