thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
3pm strippers are depressing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
