Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
