This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
