just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
