okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
