So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
