we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
