hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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