There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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