I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
