Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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