So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
