He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
