I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
