OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
