My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
