Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
