Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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