I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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