Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
