This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
