No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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