Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
