I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
