why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
