everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
