Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
