if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
