I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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