I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
