When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
