he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
