1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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